Loewenstern Fellowship Envelope #7

Open one day after the last question

Loewenstern Fellowship Envelope #6

Open on a day when you're pondering the value of your service

Loewenstern Fellowship Envelope #9

Open on any day after the mid-point of your experience

This is addressed to no one in particular, but actually thoughts that I've had for the past year or so.

Sometimes I wish I were Side-A, same-sex relationship affirming.

Not because I have some guy I want to be in a relationship with.  But because I wish to teach other Christians how to love those who do affirm same-sex relationships.  I want to show them so badly that, in actuality, not every person who has a different theology than you on homosexuality is automatically evil and driven by their desires.

This has never happened to my knowledge, but I would hate it if someone were to shun those who are Side A and then tout me as an example of how gay people should be.  That would infuriate me to no end.

While that has never actually happened, I do sometimes get an inkling of it.  That those exact actions and thoughts are going through that person's mind.  I tend to give them the benefit of the doubt because heck, it's probably confusing for them too.  But still.

Don't uphold Side B theology and then ostracize the LGBT community if people don't conform to it.  Just because you've happened to find this nice little niche of people that secure your previous beliefs about homosexuality does not entitle you to go on your merry way of not getting to know and love your neighbors.

Don't share about me if you're just gonna leave it at, "Oh, what do I think about gay people?  Well, I have a gay friend.  He's Christian, gay, and celibate from same-sex relationships.  I wish more gay people would be like him."  

I remember once thinking about making a stipulation that people can share that I'm gay and Christian with anyone that they choose, but only under the condition that they leave out the part about being celibate from same-sex relationships, and if the person they're talking to want more details about how being gay and Christian works, well, ask me.  I'm more than happy to talk.

But I do find myself saying I'm gay and Christian, and then immediately following up with, "But I'm celibate from same-sex relationships!"  I don't want to "lose my credibility" by not following up with that.  At the same time, maybe it's the sadist in me, but sometimes I want to just leave that part about being celibate out so I can watch people squirm as their beliefs and thoughts about interacting with gay people are challenged.  And to see just how they'd react.

I've grown to think that this gay, celibate Christian is a stock thing that I can say in Christian communities and everyone's fine and goes along with it. But in Bolivia, a couple of people I told had serious issues with it.  The fact that I even identify as gay they felt was not appropriate or good.

I suppose I am thankful in these cases that I am Side B and that I have never been in a relationship with another guy, or even kissed one.  It does lend to my credibility that I haven't been corrupted or whatnot.  I could tell that with one person, me being in a previous relationship with a guy could have ruined some of the respect she had for my viewpoint (said person also kinda caused me to have a rant about singleness at Greg's small group last week in front of Steph Y and King.  haha.  Maybe i'll mention that later).  But who I am, right now, is so vital to changing the most rigid perceptions of homosexuality in the evangelical Christian community.

Ultimately, I'd want people to share that I'm gay and celibate from same-sex relationships because I'm trusting in God to provide for me.  Because He's already provided His Son for me and given me everything through His sacrifice, so how much more can He provide for me in this?

I'd like it to be talked about and used in that way.  I'd love that.

Number 21

Ramblings.  Because I have not blogged in forever and I just have a bunch of thoughts floating around.

The big two-one in the States.  I'm ready to hit up IHOP and Denny's tomorrow--as for my other meals, who knows?  I have coupons that can be used for a bunch of other things, but they don't have to be used tomorrow, so I'm more or less open to anything.

My time back in the States has been good.  I've been blessed to be able to relax a bit and just do more or less whatever I want.  Unfortunately, my iPhone broke today (I guess the dock somehow broke, probably from attaching it to my speakers) and just wouldn't charge.  But fortunately, my phone was due for an upgrade, so I just got the same iPhone 4 (unfortunately for $100).  But since I haven't even updated to iOS 5 yet because my computer hasn't been able to recognize my phone (maybe due to those same dock problems?), so it has basically been like getting a new phone.

I am so blessed.  So so blessed.  It's crazy in so many ways.  Just looking at how I'm comfortably sitting alone in Jeff's spacious house, with food and whatever I could want to eat basically available, with mountains of clothes spilling out of my luggage (I only bought a week's worth of clothes to Bolivia, and so now I've come back and opened my luggage that held the rest of my closet).  I have a nice new Bolivian haircut (and I look GOOD, if i do say so myself, haha), I have nice new shoes and a new backpack.  I was able to be on another continent for 10 weeks just doing volunteering... not even working to get by... just volunteering.

Why is it that I hit this genetic and environmental jackpot, and so many others don't?  I think back to the sermons that were preached in the church I went to down there, about prosperity.  About how God wants to prosper us so that we can in turn pour out our prosperity to others.

So I know that's what I need to do.  In the same way that Christ saw his equality with God not something to be grasped and held tightly to, I need to have that same attitude about all the good things, all the positions, all the wealth that I have been graciously given.

Stephanie H. posted last Thursday about Urbana having their exhibits up, and I went and clicked on the first link that sounded medically-related and relevant, Hospitals of Hope.  Turns out that their main placement is sending volunteers to work at a hospital in Cochabamba, Bolivia (although not city-proper, a city that's just on the outskirts, Vinto.  Interestingly, the same city i went to go paint that school at with Projects Abroad and where I first met the nephew of the perhaps future Bolivian president).

That's absolutely crazy.  I teared up at that, just thinking about how clear it seems to me that God wants me to go back to Bolivia.  I then read the story from one volunteer's experience that was linked to on the front page, and they talk about an organization, Cristo Para La Ciudad, that I went to their English-speaking group once (I found out about it because one of the workers, Kattya, goes to my church).  I went the next day, on Friday, to their group, and talked with Kattya about Hospitals of Hope, and she said that they do have a placement with them, and as for medical placements, they have a couple other clinics you can work at too.  Maybe i'll do that for a month next summer?  It's only like $500 for room and accommodation for a month, I think.

I then told her about how I found out about Hospitals of Hope and that Cristo Para La Ciudad was involved with them because of this mission conference that put up their exhibits recently.  I told her how it was a mission conference that was happening at the end of the year that I was going to, and then she asked when it was, and I said, "Dec. 27th - 31st," 

and she was like, "I think I'm going to that conference!"  

And I was like, "Whaaat!?? You're going to Urbana??"  

And she was like, "Yeah!"  and we briefly held hands and jumped up and down and sorta screamed in excitement.  haha.  But that's just crazy.  She's going to the States for an previous volunteer's wedding, and she's getting everything set up and paid for by another mutual friend of theirs.  So we'll see if she is able to actually get a visa and everything, but man, that's just crazy nonetheless.

So perhaps for all those going to Urbana, I might be able to introduce you all to her.  haha.  That'd be awesome.

Well, it's officially my birthday in this time-zone.  Officially legal to go out and buy some alcohol if I so pleased.

I was always worried that I'd become an alcoholic.  But I realized in Bolivia after drinking at various points that

1.  I don't like the taste of alcohol.  blech.  Beer's not too bad, but for most drinks, including wine, it's just like, oogh, have to force myself to drink it down.  I don't really want to, but heck, since I paid for this, better finish it.

2.  I dislike the feeling that I'm losing control of my mental facilities.  Having my thinking slowed down, my actions a bit sluggish, ugh.  It frightens me a bit too.  The one time I drank enough to get buzzed in Bolivia, I was like, ugh, I don't really like this.  A lot of times, I just feel lightheaded/dizzy/tired, which is quite uncomfortable.

So I guess chances are, I won't become an alcoholic.  phew!

Most of my friends who are of age are either doing camp or busy.  A couple people asked someone to take me out for drinks ... we'll see how that goes... =\  It's a person I kind of half-jokingly suggested, but secretly wanted, but then secretly didn't want, but now that he's said yes, I do actually want, but then at the same time, not really.  err, in other words, I guess I'm overall excited, in that sort of butterflies-in-stomach schoolboyish giddyness way.  sigh.  It's complicated.  Better that I tell people in person than write all of it down here, so just ask me about it.

Still behind on a few Loewenstern entries.  Need to get those up!  Also, secondaries have fallen so far to the wayside... bah, priorities.  

Loewenstern Fellowship Envelope #10

Open one week prior to the conclusion of your service


(Ok, I realize I'm late [REALLY late at this point.. had most of this written out before I left Bolivia... oh well]... my bad! Blaming it on the impromptu travelling that I took almost directly after my work last Friday, the 13th [my technical week before the end of my service], and then the sicknesses I got from aforementioned travelling that have left me rather exhausted, and then internet problems)

Loewenstern Fellowship Envelope #8

Open after you've had a particularly emotional day related to service


I must preface this by saying that I'll probably be writing more about various moments than just about today. I feel like I have productive and value-of-service-questioning moments pretty much every day, so it makes it difficult to find a day where it is particularly so.  Similarly with this envelope.  But that being said, here goes!