On Being Silenced

Please read this post first so you have context.

This is the a post that I wrote for the Side B Community on Facebook on March 2nd, 2015.  It's pretty much gotten as bad as it could get without me getting expelled.

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March 2nd, 2015

I've been running out of straws for my school for a while now. I do still enjoy classes. And I was hoping to take a class called "Arts for a Better Future" over the summer where we learn how to empower communities using their arts, and how every community has arts that can be drawn upon for a better future. I wanted to do my final project on an LGBTQ community (either you all if that could have worked, or LGBTQ youth here in Dallas). Unfortunately, when I asked if I could do that, I got shut down by the Dean of Academic Affairs (the same person who gave me my probation) with no other reason than that that would be inappropriate based on my school's community standards (which they just implemented this semester—thanks to me! They also put in a dress code, also thanks to me—and yet the only relevant passage to gay people says, "GIAL community members are to demonstrate high moral character by behavior whose moral conduct is consistent with the standards of Scripture. This includes, but is not limited to, abstaining from sexual relations outside of heterosexual marriage, homosexual behavior, child or spousal abuse, and from advocating any such behaviors.”).

Hypocrisy aside of how "virtually all communities have arts that can be drawn upon for a better future" as the syllabus for that class says, I just could NOT understand his reasoning for why. He said, “Since the ABF course presents the work of the students at a GIAL chapel near the end of the term, any project done with the LGBTQ community in mind is going to work directly against the stated Community Standards.” And I responded, “Oh, I didn't know that this class was presenting in chapel. Although maybe presenting in chapel is Applied Arts and not this class? This is an intensive class which meets for only one week on campus over the summer, from June 13 - June 18th. As far as I can tell from the syllabus, there is nothing about presenting in chapel, nor did I think there even was chapel in the summer during June 13 - June 18th. The rest of the class is online, so does that mean that students are Skyping in to present at GIAL chapel sometime during Session 1?

I'm willing to be flexible about how my research project is being presented to others. For example, if students themselves are not presenting their work as part of the class for a grade, and it's merely the instructors doing the presenting to illustrate the class, then I'd be happy to simply have my work left out, or talked about in more vague terms. We do that for work done in sensitive areas, so could we not also do that for this case?”

To which his only response was, “David, even if I am wrong about where the presentation is being made, the answer is still no.”

Oh ok. That’s not completely invalidating at all. I didn’t say that I was thinking about doing my project with you all, a Side B LGBTQ community, because I didn’t think that I had to screen out communities based on their sexual ethics for an academic anthropological endeavor.

Anyway, I had a highlight at the time of my school, where my Cultural Anthropology teacher invited me to speak for an entire day in his class about gender and sexuality. When I was taking his class Fall 2013, he allowed me to speak for 20 minutes or so about what being a gay Christian meant to me, and he enjoyed my presentation so much that he wanted to dedicate an entire day to it the next time he taught. So, this semester, he invited me to just speak about whatever I wanted, and I basically went to town with 160+ slides about most of what I could think about in terms of LGBTQIAP. I used a lot of excerpts from various bloggers in this group, actually, and it was glorious. Even though there were only five students in the class (and three friends of mine that I invited came), I thought I got through a lot of good, challenging info, and the students would have my presentation afterwards to look through the excerpts that I talked about and to mull over these issues. I had informed the professor that I was in tricky ground with the administration, and he responded that he hadn’t told anyone that I was doing this presentation, and to not say anything directly critical of the administration. So I didn’t, and we set up a time to talk about everything that had gone on with the t-shirts and the behavioral probation last semester since he was unaware of those things. The professor warned the class multiple times that what I was going to say was my views only, and not my school’s, and that he was taking full responsibility for what is said.
That presentation happened on February 13th. On the 19th, I received this email from the Dean of Academic Affairs.

“David, I understand that you were invited to speak in the Cultural Anthropology class the other day on homosexuality. I am disappointed that you accepted the invitation. You have disrupted the cohesion of the GIAL community again. I have received complaints and have a student who considered withdrawing from GIAL over our perceived acceptance and advocacy of homosexuality. This is unacceptable to me.

As far as I am concerned, your acceptance of the invitation to speak in Cultural Anthropology clearly violates the behavioral probation that says you will not be involved in any leadership positions at GIAL. I consider being a guest lecturer at GIAL a leadership position. In light of the behavioral probation and the new Community Standards you should have declined the invitation. In attempting to protect your privacy and reputation, I did not make the faculty aware of your behavioral probation. I assumed that you would self-police. Since I cannot trust your wisdom on the issue, I need to be much more explicit. So let me be very clear. You will not speak about homosexuality in any class or official meeting at GIAL. You will not make the issue part of any assignment you have in any class. If you do speak out, write about, or in any way advocate on any aspect of the homosexual issue, you will be asked to leave GIAL immediately.

I have spoken to you about this. I have put you on behavioral probation. I have told you that you cannot use the homosexual issue in your course assignments. Now I am telling you that you cannot speak at all on the homosexual issue at GIAL. If you dislike or disagree with any of this, you are free to withdraw from the school, but none of this is open for negotiation.

This is your final warning.”

Yay, I, and the rest of the queer community are simply "the homosexual issue" now! We are no longer human in his eyes.

I’m not sure what reaction you all feel from this, but it makes me want to throw up. I want to throw up, and then I want to throw up over the Dean, and then I want to throw up over the random anonymous student who complained, who didn’t even have the decency to come to me or the professor with their concerns.

And I am also just so confused and angry. I don’t think I quoted from someone who wasn’t Side B (minus statistics from various studies and an infographic about sexual/gender identity and sex)—not that I would have been opposed to doing so, since this is a COLLEGE COURSE ABOUT CULTURAL ANTHROPOLOGY. At the end, my advice to people was just to be a friend to LGBTQ people and to trust the Holy Spirit to guide their lives like we trust the Holy Spirit to guide us, and that if the person in question isn’t Christian, that maybe talking about Jesus and God first is more important than about sexual ethics. And I had a slew of statistics about LGBTQ health disparities and youth homelessness and said that maybe sexual ethics wasn’t the most important thing that LGBTQ people have to deal with?

And I guess that, perhaps with whatever descriptive talk I had about LGB identities, trans*, intersex, asexuality, and celibate partnerships that was just too much “acceptance and advocacy of homosexuality” for that student. Who, in all likelihood, since there were only 5 students and I know three of them, was a 40 or 50-something man or woman. I want to scream at that person, “GROW THE EFF UP. YOU ARE IN GRADUATE SCHOOL, AT A SCHOOL WHERE YOU DON’T EVEN HAVE TO BE CHRISTIAN.”

Also, using my behavorial probation as a reason for why I shouldn’t be a guest lecturer is just completely circumstantial. Confusingly, it implies that if I were not on behavorial probation, that I would be allowed to give this presentation, which I’m pretty sure is not what he wants. But in any case, it never crossed my mind, or any of the multiple people who I told about this presentation who knew about my probation that this would be in violation of my probation. The Dean probably isn’t aware that I already gave a shorter presentation when I was taking Cultural Anthropology.

Finally, it is so, so frustrating that he’s so scared of that student withdrawing, but he’s totally fine with just letting me leave the school.

Anyway, now I just don’t know what to do with this place. I really do not want to quit, as I plan on graduating in the fall, which is just so close. I was planning on appealing my probation, but it sounds like the Dean is ready to expel me if I make another move. I was also thinking about showing his email to my friends who were also in the presentation and asking them if they thought this was a fair assessment of what I said. I have friends/family who want me to go to local news or the accreditation agency or look into taking legal action/advice. But I want to apply to medical school, and making trouble or getting expelled could be really really hard to explain to admissions boards.

Anyway, what do you all think about this all? It’s vaguely reminiscent of Erskine College, except I’d argue that my school is currently taking the cake on “banning homosexuality.” Not as bad as the school that Katrina **** went to where they expelled a Side B student for coming out at least.

And please, prayers for everyone involved and for my cardiovascular health because this much anxiety and stress cannot be good for me.