I woke up today at 9:19 a.m. for a Bible study at 10 a.m.  Except then I checked my phone and saw that Sam was giving me a ride at ~9:30 a.m.

So I rushed to get dressed, brush my teeth, and eat a little breakfast before he came.  It would've been alright had I not gone to sleep at like 5:30 a.m. last night from just talking and watching Wong Fu videos on Youtube.

The whole time I was thinking, "I am too loyal for my own d*** good.  =\"

But after the morning grogginess slowly drifted away, I did have a good time at the Bible study with Dai, Teresa, and Sam.  And really, it was my fault for staying up so late last night.

Oh, silly me.  =)

Am I so deadened to other people's suffering that I don't know how to relate to them anymore?

I can come up with numerous justifications of why I couldn't help, of why things didn't turn out the way I want or the way he wants, or why things just weren't a good fit, or whatever.  In the end, however, I've been pretty useless, huh?

I'm sorry.

Sometimes I wonder if I have a mild savior complex. (**edit 9/19/2010** I guess everyone wants to be the hero, huh?)  Yet I rarely go out of my way to help someone--usually they have to come to me instead. KSVD... just a few people whom I've formed strong bonds with, and yet they were the ones who reached out to me.

Thankfully.

Most of the time, I was a bit put off and weirded out (that whole, randomly negative first impression thing), but after a while, I really warmed up to them.

But still, couldn't I be a bit more helpful?  A bit more attentive?  sigh.

Had my wisdom teeth taken out Friday.

Didn't die.

Had no apparent damage to my facial nerves.

Weaned down pain pills pretty easily.

All in all, a blessed operation, and I'm so grateful that it all turned out really well.  That also reminds me of how well my financial aid turned out this year, despite massive fail on my part (perhaps for another post).  Once again, God being way too good to me...

We're More Alike Than Different

It's Not About Us

Matthew 7:21-23

²¹"Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. ²²Many will say to me on that day, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and in your name drive out demons and perform many miracles?' ²³Then I will tell them plainly, 'I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!'"

These people tell God, "Look what we did for you!"
But it is what He did for us that truly matters.
(something Greg, a member of the Smoovies' Bible Study, said today)


This excerpt has always reminded me of Mormonism, and it may be the passage I cling to the most when I wonder what the heck I'm doing trying to evangelize to these people with such seemingly pristine lives.  I mean, what's the point?  What more do they need?  Are they even lost to begin with?

I guess it's not up to me to judge their salvation... my job is to simply obey God's calling (assuming of course, that I am sure this is what He's calling me to do).

Back at the end of May, this passage became even more charged with significance for me.  When I was visiting Jackson's LDS church, the first Sunday School class we went to was actually led by Principal Comfort (the principal of my high school), and he was going over the parables of Jesus.  After going through the ones he'd wanted to cover, with the last bit of time, he decided we could talk about one last parable, so he asked me what my favorite one was, and I instantly thought about this passage.

Of course, it would rather awkward and could be taken as rude if I were to say that was my favorite parable (and it's not even really a parable), so I simply said that I didn't know what my favorite one was (I then thought of the Prodigal Son, and what I'd learned at Smoovies' Bible study and SCL... it'd probably be my favorite, but it was rather long and I didn't think we had enough time).

Ironically, Principal Comfort then went to this exact passage... (well, maybe from verse 15-23)  He commented briefly about it, and then moved on to an actual parable, verses 24-29, talking about building your house on rock instead of sand.

Was he hinting something to me when he went to verses 21-23?

I wouldn't blame him; I was just about ready to do the same.  ;)

Anyway, the mental wrestling of the difficulty of deciding how far along Jackson--or any other Mormon... or really, any other person--is to being saved will be for another post.  However, that post will probably just be a whole ton of questions... =\  eh, whatever!

White Man

One of the members of my high school youth group showed this at her lesson last Friday... pretty adorable.



"White Man"
by The Michael Gungor Band

"Can We Pray About This?"

She says that at almost every phone conversation we have.  To be honest, the first few times, I was surprised...

Prayer?  Oh right, that's true, that would really help.  I forgot...

For me, while Phil. 4:6 may be my life verse ("Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything.  Tell God what you need, and thank Him for all He has done." NLT), I still struggle to remember to pray.  I am usually ready to help my friend with whatever advice and counsel I can come up with--and if I can't think of anything, then prayer would usually be the back-up advice or last word that I have.  Or I would pray in my head that God would give me wisdom to speak to her.

But she pleasantly surprises me with her eagerness to pray, and I really appreciate it.  Her prayers have brought me to my knees with how powerfully raw she lays out her emotions before God.  She's been a real blessing to me, even though I must admit that sometimes constantly being the support can be draining.  I am honored to be able to help, though.
For once, I have been the friend to call up at 2 in the morning to talk about whatever she's going through.  I've always wanted to be that kind of friend for someone.  =)

After all--as selfish as it sounds--it's nice to be needed, huh?


"You're my hero," she says.  That makes me happy, of course (I need that positive encouragement as an ISFJ!  lol)  And yet, these experiences and conversations have taught me so much more about God, whom is the Hero to us both.  Like what it's like to truly care for someone, or how to listen with all of my attention, or just how to be patient.  Dang... God Himself has to deal with all of us, and all of our trials and struggles... it makes you really appreciate such a loving God.  =)


All in all, it makes me think of the quote on Kevin Yi's Facebook About Me:  "When God wants to bless you, He puts a person in your life."

It's August.

"'Til all my sleeves are stained red / from all the truth that I've said / . . . so tell me want you want to hear."

May the Lord bless this school year with audacity and vulnerability.

"I'm sick of all the insincere."