http://darcysheartstirrings.blogspot.com/2011/01/how-teachings-of-emotional-purity-and.html
THOUGHTS?? (and thoughts on the next two posts in the series?)
Josh Yip posted this on his tumblr, and I felt that it, and the next two posts in the series, were quite good, insightful, and thoughts I've been wondering too. The third point in this first post... man. Good stuff. And I think it articulates a lot of the fear between guy/girl friendships.
In the second post, I didn't read all of the responses from other people, but I did think it was sad that so many people seemed to have the same story of having almost no opposite-sex friendships. Perhaps it's in part a product of how sexualized our culture is... everyone feels like there must be this sexual tension in opposite sex friendships, even when there isn't.
It's also interesting because I think people shy away from close opposite-sex friendships because they're afraid one person will fall for the other. But the author brings up a good point: so what? It'll be painful.
This section in particular made me think.
"I think the pain of heartbreak is exactly what motivates IKDG [I Kissed Dating Goodbye] and every mother who loves the book.
And the pain of heartbreak isn't just a poor motivator.
Fleeing it is outright wrong.
Heartbreak is something we need to brave to be alive, human, Christian.
Heartbreak is part of being in God's image. All of creation groans until it is united with him and God yearns to be united with us. The tragedy of sin is the rend it creates in our relationship with God - our separation from him breaks his heart. This is why the cross was worthwhile to Him. If we are to imitate Christ, we cannot avoid heartbreak. Christ courageously loved us despite knowing in advance that his heart would be broken...
And honestly, how would we feel about Christ and God if he never really loved us and it never really pained him that we didn't love him back?"
And those last sentences... I actually was thinking about a similar topic earlier today or yesterday. I was thinking about how when Heaven comes, none of us will feel sadness or pain, and then I was wondering that since God is completely fulfilled in the Trinity, if God feels sadness or pain. I thought, yes, of course He does, like what about the verses regarding grieving the Holy Spirit? That's obvious pain/sadness.
But I thought, "Man, that's dumb, God. Why would you care about what we do and letting that hurt you?" He could be happy all the time, He could be content, and never suffer.
And yet the crazy thing is that He does care. He does suffer. He chooses to, for our sake because He cares for us. I think that last sentence with the question really hit that home for me. "...honestly, how would we feel about Christ and God if he never really loved us and it never really pained him that we didn't love him back?"
Anyway, before that quote, the second post points out that you'll fall out of love if it isn't right, assuming you're seeking for a right relationship.
"If you fall in love, pursue it, no matter how 'wrong' the guy seems to be for you. Chase it for all it is worth. (Except: do it in a healthy, boundary-conscious way.) If it is not the relationship God intends for you to have, you will fall out of love. This is true! This is what the books for some reason ignore. If it's an unhealthy relationship and you are committed to developing a healthy relationship, the relationship will end."
Which I thought was interesting--a little dangerous, but perhaps only mainly for the fact that you could get heartbroken. I guess maybe some people are worried that they won't fall out of love, that the unhealthy relationship won't end, they won't see the unhealthiness, and will forever end up in a bad relationship with the person they fell in love with? I think maybe the author is right in asserting that it will end, though. But maybe it just won't end on the time scale that you want it to, and that's just dangerous? Like she kinda hints at, however, life is risky after all.
(Times when i'm a little glad I'm gay because I'm not paranoid/don't think too far in how close or not close my relationships with girls should be. haha. As for guys, well, if the guy is straight, nothing will result from it anyway, and I don't know enough gay guys/I don't hang around enough for us to get that close. I may be actually still damaged a bit from these thoughts and principles because they're so pervasive in our Christian culture, but I don't feel the effects as much as others might.)
=) Thanks for posting this, David! I saw this on Josh's tumblr too -- and these have been things I've been thinking about quite a while... though I didn't read Josh Harris's books til I was in college, definitely grew up with the concepts he espoused, lots of skewed, though well-intentioned thinking.
ReplyDeleteHadn't felt its impact in guy relations re:friends til Johnny, really, and then only after we started our relationship. I guess I was just naive; didn't really think of myself as marriageable material =P figured I'd be that nice old Auntie Teresa who visits her nieces/nephews with lots of hugs and cookies. And so it was easy being just friends with guys, through high school and college.
But with Johnny, with my first serious relationship? I find that there are a lot of funky truth-messages buried in my heart that might not really be true. Been learning -- with lots of prayer and encouragement -- about boundaries and showing affection and growing in closeness, and it's been hard because my first instinct a lot of the time is to run away and hide because I'm uncomfortable and ashamed and unready to be stretched and challenged. But God is good! And he is love. and through him I am learning better how to love and to take risks because nowhere does Christ call us to be safe and sheltered. He calls us to follow him, and to love one another. Lots of practice, though.
Saw this on Josh's blog, too, and thought it was really good, and a good expression of growing faith: http://rarehunter.tumblr.com/post/32017112761/i-was-doing-my-regular-laps-at-the-local-swimming
I miss talking with you, David! Thanks for your leadership in our fellowship =)
Wow David, this post brought tears to my eyes. I didn't really realize that during my last relationship (my first serious relationship), toward the end I was running away from influences and everyone, and I found the "easy" solution to break-up and just have things coalesce over in hopes that those parties who were mad at me or had expectations of me would be satisfied.
ReplyDeleteI don't know; personally, I'm still figuring this out. How do things like this work out? Often, in our parents' traditional cultures and according to their norms, something like having a Facebook picture with a person of the opposite gender would /imply/ something about a relationship and perhaps cause a scandal. At least that's how many traditional parents perceive it. How does one get away from that fact and reconcile it with the norms that we have today in the States - that it /is/ "normal", okay, socially acceptable, to be like this?
My heart beats on, trying to find the answer.
On a much lighter note - I'm coming to campus this Friday (tomorrow) evening for Alumni Centennial and will be stopping by Wiess! Perhaps I can visit you?
See you around!
Always,
Lucy
hmm......can't say i really agree with everything she's saying in her posts. i think she's taking a lot of things for granted, and isn't really giving Joshua Harris's book a chance. it IS a little too extreme--there are certain things about both points of views (her's and Harris's/Ludy's) that I feel are Biblical, but i don't think she should be able to just entirely discount what Harris/Ludy were saying....
ReplyDeleteand i was referring to her posts as a little too extreme, not Harris's book.
ReplyDeletehumm interesting... i'm reading ludy's book, although not quiet done, i do agree with some of his points, and Darcy's, though i agree with what steph said, both has its biblical bases, and both extremes are dangerous... perhaps the message should be tailored toward different audiences.
ReplyDeletegood to see this other view though, i think BASIC need to hear messages like this haha