Step One

I struggle with homosexuality.

There.  It's out, in the open.  And while I've never explicitly said that phrase to anyone, I've more or less told people that.  In the last couple of weeks, I had a deep conversation with Albert, and then with Susan and Caleb.  Actually, the talk I had with Susan and Caleb just happened two days ago, and I still smile when I think of how stalkerish and freaking-out they were (e.g. looking through all my profile pictures for being gay [they decided on one where my arm was sticking outwards as a possible sign... but then realized i was probably just holding something]; planning out when to bring up my vaguebooking and how to confront me about possibly being gay; planning where Caleb would sit, where Susan would sit, and where I would sit; having crazor facebook message convos detailing what they were thinking)... to me, it shows that they care.  And of course, everyone loves a little more spice and drama in their lives!  xD
I digress, though.  We had a four-hour conversation about it all... which unfortunately had to take place from about 2 a.m. to 6 a.m., while I still was writing my BIOS 211 paper.  >_<  But whatever.  It was good to get it out there.

Recently, though, I've been feeling down for some reason.  Maybe it's just telling people that I struggle with homosexuality and having long talks about it that has made me more introspective and therefore depressed.  Or perhaps it's more that the three of them believe that it's not wrong, whereas I truly believe that it is.  They tried to convince me that it is something that I shouldn't have to "struggle" with, necessarily... and I'm just kind of sick of trying to defend my position, but not being able to persuade anyone to believe that the views I hold are actually biblical and correct.  I guess that could apply to many struggles, and isn't limited to just homosexuality.

I still can't quite--and I also don't want to--think of myself as gay.  but i tell myself that maybe i don't have to. Regardless, I know God has a plan for all of this... so i'm willing to try and trust Him for now.