Fraidy Cat

In an attempt to be more vulnerable, instead of just transparent, I'm gonna write a few of my fears about homosexuality.

• I fear I won't be able to have kids of my own
• I'm scared I will never be able to end up with the girl of my dreams because I can't give her my everything
• I'm afraid that I'm just fulfilling the stereotypes of a gay male, and I'm simply another run-of-the-mill gay
• I'm scared of rejection, of ridicule, of thoughts of "he just does that because he's gay." (which may be true, nonetheless)
• I'm frightened I'll be bitter against people who don't understand homosexuality or those who brush it aside as taboo
• I'm scared of wasting away this opportunity... one could almost view this trial as a blessing, to grow my faith and to encourage others
• But I'm also frightened of what God will ask of me... maybe even a life of celibacy which would confirm some of the above fears
• I'm frightened of what I could become, whether that be jaded against Christianity, or promiscuously crazy
• I'm afraid that God might never take this away from me
• Yet I'm also afraid for if He does--homosexuality has become part of my identity now.
• I fear that I might hate myself

I know that some of these things I shouldn't be frightened of.  Maybe that's why the most common command in the Bible is "Do not be afraid."  Don't be scared, God tells us.  Everything will work out, I know what's best for you, I can save you, I love you... just trust Me.

I'll try trusting Him for as long as I can.