I didn't realize this until just now, when I came to deliberately blog about whatever (expect random jumping around),  but it's been exactly two months since I arrived in the Tri-Cities, and I haven't told a soul who lives here about my struggles with homosexuality.
Of course, it's not that I didn't want to, but I couldn't quite sum up the courage.  There also weren't really opportune times either, and I wasn't sure whom to tell.  Yet I guess if I'm waiting for the perfect time and the perfect people, then that may never come.  Still, so far, I'm dealing alright.

Anyway, I'm trying to reach out to more people/improve friendships, and I currently have about 7 Facebook message chains going on, 4 originally started by me.  While I'd love to have more conversations with more people, these 7 are a few of the people whom I really care for right now.  So it's been good getting to know them and chit-chat some more.  =)

I find that I hold grudges for a very long time.  Obviously, that's pretty unhealthy, and it's something I need to work on.  I thought about all this and about forgiveness due to Smoovies' Bible study last Thursday, where we looked at Matthew 18:21-35, the Parable of the Unforgiving Servant (and God I feel has been hinting at me about forgiveness over the past few weeks).
I guess the reason it's so hard for me to forgive is because I always feel like forgiving that person would mean that what he or she did was actually ok.  But forgivness is more than that, as I read from this one article a couple years ago, and as one can see from this parable.  There was an unpayable debt of ten thousand talents (the Bible study leader, Arthur, said that that would be like hundreds of millions [i think?] or at least way more than anyone could pay in a lifetime... obviously the servant had seriously screwed up in order to amass such a debt), something that was completely NOT ok for the king.  And yet it was still forgiven.
The article I read a while back said that forgiveness is for yourself, too, in the sense that it lets you not be eaten away by your anger and bitterness.  True that.  Regardless, it's still so hard to practice, you know?  Instant gratification and all that jazz.

Anyway, some more related points about the Parable that I'd like to remember:

• The verses preceding the parable have to do with restoring brotherly fellowship, so this parable goes directly along with that.
• v. 21  Peter asks if seven times is enough for forgiving... in the ancient times, three was considered the normal amount that people would get, so apparently here Peter feels extra holy for saying a whopping SEVEN times.  Of course, Jesus blows him (and us) out of the water.
• v. 25  His wife and children got involved too... showing how our sin can affect our family and friends.
• Matthew 6:12, part of the Lord's Prayer... "Forgive us our debts, AS we also have forgiven our debtors."  Notice the AS... just more of the "do it and it'll be done unto you" sort of thing.

On a completely unrelated note, I realized that CCF is the most inspiring group of individuals I have ever met or been around.  Especially my class... just reading their blogs or hearing about their lives encourages me to be a better person.  They inspire me to strive for more and to work harder.  =)

I really do love them.

Camp has been exhausting, and I need to work harder to be a good staff member.  I'm not as on top of the ball as I thought I would be.  =\