I can't believe I'm blogging again. I should be studying...

"Stop comparing yourself to them."

I winced... she was right again.

I can't even compare though.  They just seem so much better.  So much more with it.  So much "not me."

Those trials that you wish you could escape and rise above?  Yeah, this is turning into one of them.
But it's not one that takes action--or non-action, for that matter--it's just one that requires a different mindset.  It requires fundamentally changing the way you think and view things, and sometimes, that just doesn't seem possible.
Reminiscent of some kind of mental illness.  Some mental hurdle that you desperately want to overcome... but can't.  After all, you're the one who put that hurdle there.  You fashioned it with your own hands, so you know how it works, but you just don't know how to get around it.

I know I need to not lust after everything I'm not.

Why do I feel like I suck so much at relating?

Lying on the ground, lying on the bench, eyes closed, playing music, 1 a.m. praying.
walking back, in a stupor, "Welcome home," 3 a.m. still awake.

I think I was most discouraged and disappointed to hear that he didn't do what I asked him to.  Even if I already knew that he didn't... well, then, why ask?  shoulda just kept the slight delusion to myself.  Hearing it was pushing it.  But I don't want to push it further.

Online personas are deadly.  ironically, this has been the opposite.

Doomsday predictions coming true?  That's what I feared.  I hate seeing you not care.  It reminds me too much of Chris.  I wish you could see that.  I wish you could see this.

forgiveness, forgiveness, because he has forgiven us.  Because of Him.  not for any other reason.  Not because he does or doesn't deserve it.  but because we are called to do so.
there is nothing good in me but You.