weakness

Came out to my ninth graders the second week of Sunday School (9/18).  I think they were ok with it.  They still talk to me at least and wave back when I smile and wave at them.  =)

Came out to various families of youth, some 100ish people for the Youth Family dinner (10/1)... the most number of people in a group that I'd come out to and the least prepared I'd been.  I didn't even think of coming out until the youth workers began sharing about themselves.  For one, I wasn't sure if it was appropriate to share this in front of a multitude of traditional Asian parents.  As I was praying about whether or not to come out (I was one of the last youth workers to share about myself), another youth worker, Connie, spoke about stepping out of one's comfort zone for God.  I was either thinking of 2 Cor. 12:9, or that prompted my thinking of it.
"But He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me."

"Then give me strength, God, give me your strength, and give me courage, if you want me to come out."

After I finished sharing, I couldn't concentrate very well on what David C. was saying.  My hands were still mildly shaking and I went to get some lemonade and then tea.  I sat back down and thought, "This won't get easier, huh?"  I always hope I'll get better and more at ease with coming out.
When David was done, some parents came up to me and told me how much they appreciated me speaking--Henry telling me how encouraging it was was especially poignant when I consider how much his family has been through.  For those parents who didn't, with whom I would make eye contact with as we passed each other in the halls, I would think, "What do they think of me?  I wonder how they see me now.  Were they offended?  Disturbed?"

Hm.  regardless, the Body of Christ is not what it should be.  and if speaking out is one way of making it more like what it should be, then I will do so.  Changing the church from the inside is definitely exciting.

I can only imagine, though, how much more difficult this will be when I go back home and come out to my home church.  The scandal and questions that will ensue.  My long history that will be scrutinized.  I wish I could take someone from here with me for support.  But this is my own cross.  "For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities.  For when I am weak, then I am strong."  for the sake of Christ.  To show His power and my gratitude for everything that He's done for me.  It's the least I could do.