Blogs

After reading so many people's blogs, I've been thinking about some of the major lessons/key points that I learned from them.  Here are a few that are particularly relevant to me right now:

• Sitting on my spiritually obese butt from eating all that spiritual food and not exercising  (Jeff's blog)
• Using God's Word as a map for where I want to go, rather than for where God wants me to go (Ann's blog)
• Forgetting to put God at the foremost of my interests (Dennis' blog)
• The idea that favors in friendship are not about "giving" and "receiving," but rather both people are just happy to see one another (comment on Stacy's blog)
• Standing on the street corner giving out favors when our faithful God waits and waits for us to come back (Susan's blog)

Sirch, Sirach, and Me

I kinda love the nickname/username I've given myself:  Sirach.

On the outside, it is another name for Ecclesiasticus (not to be confused with Ecclesiastes), which is an intertestamental Jewish book, written in the early 2nd century B.C (*edit* learned the other day that while it's in the Protestant Apocrypha, it is part of the Roman Catholic OT.  Interesting!).
In it, Ben Sira talks a lot about wisdom, and in the NT, Jesus quotes practically word-for-word from the book, but instead of Wisdom, He refers to Himself.  This can be part of a powerful defense for the Trinity (see http://www.tektonics.org/jesusclaims/trinitydefense.html I love tektonics.org!  Favorite apologetics website, hands-down), and I think oftentimes, Sirach is synonymous for Wisdom.

And so who doesn't love Wisdom?  Who wouldn't want to have more of it in their lives?

Granted, I don't want to make others think that I believe I am wise (and therefore also incredibly arrogant).  In order to see how and why I chose that name for my blog address and other usernames, one has to look on the inside.

The guy crush I had for 2 and 1/2 years was named Chris.  At the time when I was obsessed with him, my friends and I were playing this MMORPG named Flyff, and so I made an anagram of his name and chose that as my username:  Sirch.
I don't think anyone realized that it was an anagram of Chris until I told them, so for months I played happily under that guise.  (Plus, I've always liked that feeling of being a knight, Sir whatever, and my character on Flyff also became a knight  xD).  When I found out about tektonics.org and James Patrick Holding's defense of the Trinity, I had already changed considerably from that obsession.  So it was an easy switch to add an "a" in between Sirch to make Sirach.

Beautiful, huh?  Add a letter and God turns years of pain and hurt into Himself, Wisdom incarnate.  A... the beginning of everything, the start of a new life in Himself.  Now I parade "Sirach" around as a proud reminder of what God has done in my life.  I am so thankful for His grace, love, and patience in changing me.  =)

I thought about that all because today I put in "meow" into my Gmail just to see what I would get.  The oldest e-mail was me e-mailing AIM conversations of Chris and me to myself (since I was in China for many of our early conversations).  I decided to read #12, and I wanted to stop halfway through because it was too painful, but I forced myself to finish.  Then I moved to #13, and started reading... but I closed the window once it got too sappy.
That conversation was four-and-a-half years ago, and yet I'm certainly not to the point where I can read those and feel comfortable about myself.  God has obviously been working in my life, but there are still some areas that I just can't deal with.
...yet.  Someday I will, because I feel that someday I must.

I feel that way because my roommate's name is Christopher, a guy in my cell group's name is Chris, and my Best Buddy's name is Chris.  Isn't that rather strange?  I actually place a fair amount of importance on these kinds of little ironies and "signs," since God knows I love them (see above's Sirch -> Sirach), and I feel like He speaks to me through them.  So... would this be a sign that I should try to restart my friendship with Chris?  Maybe... but I don't know if I can deal with that now... I wouldn't even know where to start.
...These are excuses, of course, but I really don't know what else to say.  i'll pray about it.  =)

What I've Learned/Am Learning This School Year

--that I can act.
--that I am a frighteningly good trampoliner.

--that I am quite good at girl talk.

--that I remember random facts about random people and that that comes across as creepy.

--that my first impressions of people are usually negative and usually wrong.

--that no matter how fresh a start you have, old temptations don't magically disappear.

--that I can't do, or get into, a lot of things.  And that I will fail countless more times in my life.

--that that's ok.
--that "I am not bound by my feelings and my feelings do not dictate who I am." (christopheryuan.com)

--that only Jesus can be your savior.

--that God is even more ironic than I could have imagined.  =)
--that God transcends so much more than my little church and my little mind... but i think i'm just beginning to see that.

--that my self-worth is not inherent in myself, in my name, nor even in my actions, but instead in Jesus.

--that it doesn't matter to God if you fail in a task He's given you.  It also doesn't matter if you succeed.  It only matters that you obey.  (although by obeying, you're already succeeding by His definition)

Invasive Measures

I owe my salvation to Mormonism.

But I am not, and never will be, LDS.

Long background info cut short, I had a "guy crush" for about two-and-a-half years (homosexuality is a whole 'nother topic by itself), and got out of it in Jan. 2007, just in time to rebound with my Mormon friend, Jackson.  I felt like I should lead him to Christianity after I realized that Mormonism was radically different from evangelical Christianity.  So I bought multiple books about Mormonism, and through one of the Christian bookstore websites, I bought I Don't Have Enough Faith to Be an Atheist. Although it wasn't directly related to Mormonism, I thought it sounded really interesting.  Afterwards, I was looking at the Amazon page of the Atheist, and found out about this random book called Furious Pursuit: Why God Will Never Let You Go.  It also sounded interesting, so I decided to buy that book too (talk about a book-buying splurge...).  While Furious Pursuit had quite a bit of feel-good Christianity, it really spoke to me, and for the first time, I got the Gospel message.

For years I had thought that salvation was a conglomerate of faith and works, similar to the LDS view.  In reality, I found that everything had already been done for us--we just had to accept the sacrifice.  Like a Christmas present with our name on it, Jesus is already there in front of us.  All we need to do is accept His gift of grace.

Beautiful.
Everything seemed so much lovelier during those first few moments of realization.

And I'll always find it ironic that I would be doing much of my reading about the LDS and other Christian books while I was lifeguarding (our boss let us do our homework or whatever else while we were lifeguarding), since the gym was owned by an LDS family.


So during and after Urbana, I've felt a stronger calling to the Mormon population.  Even just reflecting on this past month at Rice, I've already had several encounters with Mormonism:

The two times I went to HK Mall, Mormon missionaries were there.  The second time, three of them came and talked to my friends and me while we were waiting for the bus.  One of them happened to be from Grandridge, WA, and they said that one of the missionaries, who wasn't there with them at the time, was from Pasco, WA, one of the three cities that make up the Tri-Cities, where I'm from (actually the same city where my guy-crush was from too).

My grad student comes from a "very Mormon family," she says.  I found out because she was going home one weekend to see her brother come home from his mission.  She's not Mormon herself (I think she's atheist), though.
(I was freaking out earlier, however, because I noticed that someone had been on lds.org at our lab computer, and I was really curious to know who it was.  Glad that got cleared up.  xD  )
The incredibleness of it all made me walk out of my lab in tears, simply amazed at God.  =)

Last Thursday, Jackson called me and told me he was going to Argentina on June 2nd for his mission.  Sunday, the pastor mentioned Mormonism briefly.  Tuesday one of my fb friends that I made from Packrat/MouseHunt talked about how her dog was barking at the door, and after hushing her dog, she opened it to see who it was.  When she realized it was two Mormon missionaries, she told her dog that they were morons and didn't know any better and to keep barking.  I told her they could still use Jesus' love.

Treatment of the LDS will have to be a future post too.  I get really frustrated at the people who look down on Mormons and callously throw them aside as idiots.  But anyway, I digress.

Yesterday, Jon from stuffchristianslike.net for #706 (awesome blog.  I found out about it again through Mormonism, in a rather roundabout way), referenced his post: "Stuff Christians Like: Being slightly less nice than Mormons." which the second comment really changed the whole aim of his site and made him focus on being honest with the site and what he had to say.

Haha, so before I get on too many tangents, the point is that God has been working Mormonism into a lot of my life, and I owe so much to it. It's really quite amusing/amazing.  On the plane ride to Owl Days from Salt Lake to Houston, I sat by an LDS member, and we talked briefly about our faiths.

Where to go from here, though, I have yet to see.

Try, Try, Try Again

After reading blogs from my college fellowship, I've been inspired and encouraged by them to start blogging. Thing is, this will be at least my third time starting a blog. But now that I'm a freshman in college, I suppose it's time for a new start. A fresh beginning. 

 And even though I've been at college for just over a semester, I've already learned so much more about God, myself, and life in general.

I have had quite a few thoughts over the last few months, yet I neglected to write them down because I told myself I didn't have enough time. So it wasn't until I read something today that Timmy posted over three years ago that I realized I have to start writing.
"Gonna leave for the States pretty soon. It's been a very interesting summer experience. I wish I could have a vacation retreat to reflect on all that's happened. Life doesn't stop for you though. Everytime you stop to reflect on the past, you miss out on the present. When you don't reflect on the past, you throw away chunks of memories, which, in the end, define your life."
~August 15, 2006

I know how nice it is to go back and reflect on your past (well, it's usually nice). Undoubtedly, I wouldn't want to throw away some of the best years of my life by forgetting to document them. God has been wonderfully gracious to me, and I should never, ever forget that. When I'm older, I'd love to have a record how God has moved through my life, and not have to strain to think and remember.

Now that I've neglected the present (studying orgo for the test on Tuesday/ASB meeting at 9 p.m./laundry party at 10:30 p.m.) enough to make one post, I have no choice to go back.
I promise myself that I will come back and write more. Much more.