Sirch, Sirach, and Me

I kinda love the nickname/username I've given myself:  Sirach.

On the outside, it is another name for Ecclesiasticus (not to be confused with Ecclesiastes), which is an intertestamental Jewish book, written in the early 2nd century B.C (*edit* learned the other day that while it's in the Protestant Apocrypha, it is part of the Roman Catholic OT.  Interesting!).
In it, Ben Sira talks a lot about wisdom, and in the NT, Jesus quotes practically word-for-word from the book, but instead of Wisdom, He refers to Himself.  This can be part of a powerful defense for the Trinity (see http://www.tektonics.org/jesusclaims/trinitydefense.html I love tektonics.org!  Favorite apologetics website, hands-down), and I think oftentimes, Sirach is synonymous for Wisdom.

And so who doesn't love Wisdom?  Who wouldn't want to have more of it in their lives?

Granted, I don't want to make others think that I believe I am wise (and therefore also incredibly arrogant).  In order to see how and why I chose that name for my blog address and other usernames, one has to look on the inside.

The guy crush I had for 2 and 1/2 years was named Chris.  At the time when I was obsessed with him, my friends and I were playing this MMORPG named Flyff, and so I made an anagram of his name and chose that as my username:  Sirch.
I don't think anyone realized that it was an anagram of Chris until I told them, so for months I played happily under that guise.  (Plus, I've always liked that feeling of being a knight, Sir whatever, and my character on Flyff also became a knight  xD).  When I found out about tektonics.org and James Patrick Holding's defense of the Trinity, I had already changed considerably from that obsession.  So it was an easy switch to add an "a" in between Sirch to make Sirach.

Beautiful, huh?  Add a letter and God turns years of pain and hurt into Himself, Wisdom incarnate.  A... the beginning of everything, the start of a new life in Himself.  Now I parade "Sirach" around as a proud reminder of what God has done in my life.  I am so thankful for His grace, love, and patience in changing me.  =)

I thought about that all because today I put in "meow" into my Gmail just to see what I would get.  The oldest e-mail was me e-mailing AIM conversations of Chris and me to myself (since I was in China for many of our early conversations).  I decided to read #12, and I wanted to stop halfway through because it was too painful, but I forced myself to finish.  Then I moved to #13, and started reading... but I closed the window once it got too sappy.
That conversation was four-and-a-half years ago, and yet I'm certainly not to the point where I can read those and feel comfortable about myself.  God has obviously been working in my life, but there are still some areas that I just can't deal with.
...yet.  Someday I will, because I feel that someday I must.

I feel that way because my roommate's name is Christopher, a guy in my cell group's name is Chris, and my Best Buddy's name is Chris.  Isn't that rather strange?  I actually place a fair amount of importance on these kinds of little ironies and "signs," since God knows I love them (see above's Sirch -> Sirach), and I feel like He speaks to me through them.  So... would this be a sign that I should try to restart my friendship with Chris?  Maybe... but I don't know if I can deal with that now... I wouldn't even know where to start.
...These are excuses, of course, but I really don't know what else to say.  i'll pray about it.  =)