This is addressed to no one in particular, but actually thoughts that I've had for the past year or so.

Sometimes I wish I were Side-A, same-sex relationship affirming.

Not because I have some guy I want to be in a relationship with.  But because I wish to teach other Christians how to love those who do affirm same-sex relationships.  I want to show them so badly that, in actuality, not every person who has a different theology than you on homosexuality is automatically evil and driven by their desires.

This has never happened to my knowledge, but I would hate it if someone were to shun those who are Side A and then tout me as an example of how gay people should be.  That would infuriate me to no end.

While that has never actually happened, I do sometimes get an inkling of it.  That those exact actions and thoughts are going through that person's mind.  I tend to give them the benefit of the doubt because heck, it's probably confusing for them too.  But still.

Don't uphold Side B theology and then ostracize the LGBT community if people don't conform to it.  Just because you've happened to find this nice little niche of people that secure your previous beliefs about homosexuality does not entitle you to go on your merry way of not getting to know and love your neighbors.

Don't share about me if you're just gonna leave it at, "Oh, what do I think about gay people?  Well, I have a gay friend.  He's Christian, gay, and celibate from same-sex relationships.  I wish more gay people would be like him."  

I remember once thinking about making a stipulation that people can share that I'm gay and Christian with anyone that they choose, but only under the condition that they leave out the part about being celibate from same-sex relationships, and if the person they're talking to want more details about how being gay and Christian works, well, ask me.  I'm more than happy to talk.

But I do find myself saying I'm gay and Christian, and then immediately following up with, "But I'm celibate from same-sex relationships!"  I don't want to "lose my credibility" by not following up with that.  At the same time, maybe it's the sadist in me, but sometimes I want to just leave that part about being celibate out so I can watch people squirm as their beliefs and thoughts about interacting with gay people are challenged.  And to see just how they'd react.

I've grown to think that this gay, celibate Christian is a stock thing that I can say in Christian communities and everyone's fine and goes along with it. But in Bolivia, a couple of people I told had serious issues with it.  The fact that I even identify as gay they felt was not appropriate or good.

I suppose I am thankful in these cases that I am Side B and that I have never been in a relationship with another guy, or even kissed one.  It does lend to my credibility that I haven't been corrupted or whatnot.  I could tell that with one person, me being in a previous relationship with a guy could have ruined some of the respect she had for my viewpoint (said person also kinda caused me to have a rant about singleness at Greg's small group last week in front of Steph Y and King.  haha.  Maybe i'll mention that later).  But who I am, right now, is so vital to changing the most rigid perceptions of homosexuality in the evangelical Christian community.

Ultimately, I'd want people to share that I'm gay and celibate from same-sex relationships because I'm trusting in God to provide for me.  Because He's already provided His Son for me and given me everything through His sacrifice, so how much more can He provide for me in this?

I'd like it to be talked about and used in that way.  I'd love that.