"More Musings On" Blog

I googled "Wesley Hill" (the author of Washed and Waiting) and followed from there.  I've spent much of the last few days just pouring over other Christian gay celibate writers and bloggers, and although this link I'm sharing isn't from someone who's gay, I think I enjoy this blog the most.  She's so intelligent and caring, that after reading a few of her posts, I immediately signed up to be a follower.  She also has a pretty good conservative Christian case for civil same-sex marriage:  http://www.musingson.com/ccCase.html  Will definitely be posting that on Facebook soon and encouraging people to read it.

Also, I've been learning about Side A gay Christians, and Side B gay Christians.

Side A--believe that gay people can get married, but should save sex for marriage.
Side B--believe that gay people ought to be celibate (at least from same-sex relationships).


Of course, if you know me, you know I'm Side B.


And I've felt super validated by what she wrote about Wesley Hill's interview (http://moremusingson.blogspot.com/2009/11/side-b-interview-on-gcn-radio.html) about Side B Christians (and she's friends with Wesley Hill!!  So envious...).


"I personally think being a Side B gay Christian is the toughest calling of all. They don't fit in with the majority of "out" gay Christians, who are mainly Side A. They aren't warmly embraced by the conservative church since they reject the label of "ex-gay." And they don't have the comfort of having a life partner to support them through these difficulties. 

Yet Side B'ers will make the biggest impact on the conservative church for the benefit of all gay Christians because of two reasons: 1) Their commitment to celibacy means they can't be dismissed out-of-hand by straight Christians as sexually immoral. 2) They are insisting on being called "gay" and are not letting straights get away with thinking that homosexuality is something you can just detox from. 

Side B gay Christians are in the best position to change minds in the toughest pockets of the conservative Christian church, and yet they tend to be the most marginalized group among a marginalized group. They very much need our encouragement, support and prayers."

=D  Very encouraging post already.

Not saying that the straight Christian response she details above is what I get from HCC or CCF, but it's just good to know that there are people out there who understand, and who actually articulate it into words. 

Life isn't even that hard for me now.  Once I'm out of college, in my early 30s--assuming I'm not in a relationship with or pursuing some girl I somehow happen to find attractive in all areas--it'll be much more difficult.  Just reading from a blog of a Christian gay celibate (http://gayandchristian.blogspot.com/) who is in her early 30s breaks my heart for her and her loneliness.  Someday that'll probably be me.  And I think that's ok right now... but we'll see how I feel then.

Interestingly, I realize that Clara is probably Side A, and maybe a couple others I know too... at least the majority of gay Christians I know

Some of her other good posts.
From http://moremusingson.blogspot.com/2010/01/beyond-silence.html


"The problem I hear about now, especially from young gays who attend evangelical churches or Christian colleges, is not that fellow Christians are hostile toward them, but rather they treat their homosexuality with silence. Complete deathly silence. No one says a word. One reader told me, "I came out to my brother a year ago but he hasn't mentioned it to me since. It's almost like I never came out to him at all."

I wonder if many straight Christians are so afraid of saying the wrong thing they've become utterly paralyzed. Silence is certainly better than screaming "pervert!" at somebody and calling up his pastor to get him excommunicated. But when a gay friend or family member comes out to you, he or she is signaling that they want the silence to be broken. They want the door of conversation to be open from now on. It doesn't have to be a daily topic of discussion, but it should lead to something, and you need to keep in mind that anyone who comes out to you is purposely making him- or herself vulnerable to whatever your response might be. That takes guts. Giving no response at all, ever, is a terrible way to react. 

Possibly the best response you can give, if it's an honest one, is: "This doesn't change anything about our friendship as far as I'm concerned," or, "I love you just the same." If you can't say anything quite that positive, you should say something that's both honest and decent: "This has really thrown me for a loop. Is it alright if I get back to you after I've collected my thoughts?" And then make sure you get back to them. If someone was brave enough to come out to you, you should at least try to be brave enough to follow up as promised."


And from her follow-up post since people enjoyed the one above so much  (http://moremusingson.blogspot.com/2010/01/beyond-silence-continued.html):


"It's pretty difficult for someone who is gay to bring this stuff up with you. They don't want you to accuse them of being "pushy," or of coming off like an "activist." It's better when you take the initiative. Even if you never end up having a deep conversation, the little gestures do make a difference in a relationship. And if you're a Christian, there's no better way to let that person know that the love you claim to have for them in Christ is genuine."


Oh how I agree.  At times, I've wondered if I was talking about being gay too much.  But like I've said before, when I came out to CCF, at that point in my life, coming out to people was just something that had to be done for me.  The blogger puts it so well in another post (http://moremusingson.blogspot.com/2010/05/thankfully-this-wont-be-your-life.html):


"And if you're straight and you know someone who is trying to grapple openly with the truth of his or her own homosexuality, please be supportive. Don't think of that person as "pushing homosexuality in your face." Rather see them as trying to save their own sanity, or perhaps even their own soul." 


Trying to save my own sanity.  hm.  So true.  
While I've worried about writing too much about being gay on this blog and people getting bored with that... well... that's too bad, I guess.  I need to realize that it's almost imperative for me to write about this for myself.  As selfish as that may sound... I need this.  
And I think others need to hear it and understand that while I came to be Side B fairly quickly and easily, this Side is neither quick nor easy for anyone. 


I've been grateful for the counselors at Impact who have thanked me for sharing and told me encouraging things about how they were encouraged.  I appreciate that they don't stay silent.  =)


So just try to remember some of the above.  She has good stuff.  She is so insightful that I'm just amazed she isn't gay herself.  So supportive and kind...